I give up !!

I was working on my website a lot last night. I was making minor adjustments for things that will probably happen a few months from now. The next release date is planned for April 13th, but it might come sooner if Spymac decides to release their “new” servers and host my damn website. I was thinking about getting upgraded to their club since it is rather inexpensive, but I think that I will make a decision once they get it up.

The dryer last night was going on for a long time, so I didn’t get to sleep until much later than I thought I would. But it was ok since I didn’t need to get up early for anything.

Third period with 9th grade yuri was the last class that I would have with 9th graders this year. They will be leaving for Santa Barbara this week and this was the last time I’ll meet them before they go. The topic for today was about fast food. I think that it was pretty tough to get through it. They were driving the teachers crazy because they were so loud and annoying. I think that they better enjoy their trip to America and that they come back eager to learn English, otherwise it will be really tough to teach them. We had them look at the McDonalds menu and then the In-N-Out menu. They needed to do a role play in front of class too. They needed to order and learn how to say what they wanted. They were able to do it, which is a good thing. They did get stuck on to go or for here, but other than that, they were pretty good. It’s important to get them up and speaking in front of the class.

Fourth period with 11th grade ran would be the last before they head to Kyushu. We did the Jeopardy game and it would be the last time that I do it for such a large class. I think that I need to re-think how to approach it. They liked it and we finished the whole thing. Like the other classes, there was one group that ran away with the most points. I think that it was more evenly distributed, but still it was a landslide. Some groups never scored, but I think overall most of the groups had an opportunity to guess and speak. I think that it is a good game, but I need to work on some things to make it easy enough for everyone, yet challenging too. I think that those students who are gifted with English usually do better, which was the point of me putting it together, but I think that it alienates those who aren’t able to understand and work with it and be a little discouraged. We were in the L.L. today for class which was pretty cool. I had to bring the projector from the first floor to the third floor, which sucked a little.

Fifth period with 7th grade yuri was about animals still. We had them unscramble some words, even though it was never explained to them. They were able to figure it out though. I think that was the good thing. But I think that was only special for this class. I don’t believe that the other classes would be able to do that. They don’t have the ability. Most were able to figure it out all the animals’ names that were unscrambled. Some of them were never introduced. Then we did an animal bingo game where they had to match all of them in order to get a bingo.

I didn’t stick around till after school. I took off from school immediately after I finished all my classes. It was really really early actually. I think that it was so early that it surprised my department chair when I told her that I was leaving. I think that she didn’t mind since I never have any work to do and if I did, I would finish it really quickly anyways. I went shopping for a little while in Yokohama. I went to Don Quixote and Tokyu Hands. I found something that I needed at Tokyu Hands, which was a new strap for my briefcase. So I don’t need to get a new briefcase, although I probably will need to soon anyways. It is starting to fall apart and the zippers aren’t working very well.

I got to Hongodai station and felt like I wanted to cook tonight. I had a lot of time so I went to Fuji supermarket and bought some stuff to cook and other things from the 100 yen store. It was good, but I felt a little weird spending a lot of money today.

When I got home, I met up with my neighbors, who immediately invited me to have dinner with them. I didn’t want to turn them down, so I decided to go with them instead of cook. We went to a nice little noodle (soba/ udon) place that I’ve been to before. I haven’t been there for a long time, but I remember it now. I ordered Curry Udon, which was absolutely wonderful. I really liked it. But I didn’t like having to eat dinner wearing a suit while everyone was wearing their casual clothes. I felt a little out of place. I was having dinner with a couple that just got married last month. During this time, I found out that two of my friends also got married or will get married soon. I think that it is all coming really fast and too fast for me. I have been thinking about that recently and now it’s the pressure that is killing me.

After dinner, we came back to their place and I stayed till around 11pm. We were watching boxing; it was a match between Mr. Tokuyama and Jose Navarro. I usually don’t like boxing, but I got into it. They were having snacks and things like that. Soon after the match we were watching SMAP x SMAP. I haven’t seen that show in a long ass time.

I felt really bad today. Not physically, but mentally. I really felt as if I have given up on a lot of things. I feel helpless to the point, where I don’t want to do anything to change my current situation. I mean I really feel like I have given up. It has mostly stemmed from work. It really has sucked the life out of me. I know that it isn’t good, but for the rest of the school year, I will be leaving early and arriving only when I need to. I won’t stick around for anything longer. I think that is a bad policy to have. But I think that when April rolls around I will be better. But I’m not sure about that either. I would like to take a trip to Hong Kong in March and hopefully I’ll get to see some other places too. I think that I also have decided not to pursue HY. I just don’t think that it will work for me. The distance is the problem and the communication problem is something that I would prefer not to deal with. So I’m back to square one on that. I think that I will spend the next month on myself and work to find some new people in my life. I feel defeated… that’s not a good feeling to have. I lost motivation to teach and to have an enjoyable life in Japan. I just want to do something new and leave it as it is. I don’t want to work to improve it. I think that CP is driving me crazy and work sucks because of her. But it’s also my fault for not doing anything about it. Damn I’m such a pussy about it. I don’t want to rock the boat and therefore I suffer and lose because of it. Nice guys do really finish last.